Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
