I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Damn victory sex feels great
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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