I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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