We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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