Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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