I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
