I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
