Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
