Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
two words...techno handjob
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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