If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
