dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
