so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
