I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
