we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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