Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
