omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
