sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
