All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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