Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
