I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
