i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
