Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
