dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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