My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
