just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
