Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
