Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
