i think my tv is drunk
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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