I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
