I smell stomach acid.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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