no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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