dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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