Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
