so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
