Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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