your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
