Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
