Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
