i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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