he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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