Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
