doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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