Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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