No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
