I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
