i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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