what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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