A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
