And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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