yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
