what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
