Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
