pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
