I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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