im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
two words...techno handjob
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's the barista slut.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
