i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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