one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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