why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
