I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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