Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
