no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
