Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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