your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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