My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
