the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
