If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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