btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
