woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
