the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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