This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
