forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
