have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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