is your mom at the bar?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
