All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
